We lost our son, Justin to opioids in July 2018, and thus began the arduous but fascinating quest to find him again.
Of course it wasn’t fascinating at first, just painful. But after the initial sense of loss began to fade, it became apparent that Justin wasn’t really gone, we just couldn’t see him anymore. At the time of this writing, we’ve communicated with Justin (through mediums) nine times. So it’s clear that he didn’t actually die, he just left this dimension.
While Justin was alive, I spent 23 years teaching him about the world. I felt qualified because I’d lived on this planet many years before he was born. But now things have reversed, and he’s the one with access to all the answers. And maybe I can find out what life is really all about before it’s too late. So instead of being depressed about how much I miss the Old Justin, I’ve chosen to embrace the New Justin.
Besides seeing mediums, I’ve been reading about the afterlife, and attending various workshops, to become familiar with different ways of getting in touch with spirit. And as I apply what I learn to my life, I’ll be able to share insights with others through this blog.
As for the painful part, Justin’s absence initially kept resurfacing in my mind as a problem I couldn’t solve, which was an unfamiliar, and maddening feeling. Everything else I’ve encountered, no matter how serious, such as totaling my car, or losing a job, could be fixed in some way.
But thinking about Justin’s absence felt like a steel door I couldn’t break through (no matter how hard I pounded on it). As months passed, and I started exploring ways to connect with him, I began picturing this steel door as the entrance to a dungeon, or prison cell, with a small barred window at eye level. And that window, which represented dreams, mediums, and signs, was now the only way to communicate with my son.
Regarding signs, my wife and I have learned that when we see hawks, eagles, and other raptors, it’s Justin’s way of letting us know he’s still around (he has many other ways, which I’ll cover in future posts). There also seems to be a connection with blue jays and cardinals.
I thought about these feathered signs while watching The Shawshank Redemption recently. Red (Morgan Freeman), was reminiscing about Andy (Tim Robbins) who had just escaped from their prison: “I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they’re gone. I guess I just miss my friend.” I’m beginning to realize that Justin is now free as a bird, like Shawshank’s Andy. One medium (Diana Harris) described crossing-over as busting out of a spacesuit or Halloween costume. Remember how confined Scout was while wearing the ham costume in To Kill a Mockingbird? Now Justin has escaped the shackles of life (perhaps part of an early release program), free of gravity and time. Which makes us the prisoners, and banging on that steel door has actually been me trying to get out.